My name is Amelia, I’m 17 and I’m a student in Edinburgh.
I have decided to share my story because I want to be an example of the truth in the words, “it gets better”. I was trapped in this bubble created by my parents past trauma, and I thought I would never be able to escape.
I was born in Scotland but my parents are not originally from here. For most of my life it’s just been me and my mum with glimpses of my dad, which has meant that I’ve felt stuck for most of my life.
My family knew my father was a dangerous man, yet they live abroad and all they could do was hope that my mum got the support she needed. My mum decided to protect my father’s image to my wider family, leading them to believe they were in no-contact. None of them knew what I was going through until early last year.
Ever since I was born, my parents were alcoholics which meant I was raised in a house that was built on uncertainty, violence and lies. When I was younger, I thought every pre-teens life was like this. Protecting your parent from another one, making sure no physical harm is done to the other.
I knew in my gut it wasn’t right, but I was lied to by them, reassuring me that they would get it under control, and that “arguments like this happen sometimes in relationships”.
Because they were so lost, they did a great job at making me lose myself as well.
I always wanted to get into counselling, but I never thought that I’d need it until I realised the struggles that I have faced were not normal, and caused me to feel numb, with very little emotions. When I did allow them to come out, it came out in anger and impulsive decisions and severe regret.
Things started escalating which meant I was referred to the Sunflower Garden at CrossReach. A first I was sceptical to accept help because I was so focussed on pretending like nothing affected me. When I let my emotions out, they would be so strong to where I tried hard to shove them back into an imaginary box with a lock on it. With counselling, I felt strong enough to use the key that I tried so hard to bury, I finally unlocked the box and felt safe enough to let out my emotions.
At the start of my journey, I started to come once a week to have a space to just let everything out and talk. My counsellor did a great job in reassuring me that I’m loved and respected and reminding me that I’m strong and that none of this should’ve have happened to me. She gave me a voice when for so long I felt shut down because my experiences and trauma would get ignored.
In early 2024, in a spontaneous moment, I packed my bags and left. Although I didn’t have a clear path of where I was going It felt safer to be ‘officially homeless’ than living at home. I had finally decided to take back my life that was taken away from me.
I finally have faith in my future, which is the first time I’ve felt that in a while. Living by myself has been different than most teenage high-school experiences, but it has been such a blessing that I am so thankful for. I finally feel safe enough to try out new hobbies and push myself to grow.
AmeliaI had my school leavers party recently and I took a moment to realise that I was actually enjoying my time, whereas in the past whenever I felt happy about something I knew it wouldn't last, as I knew what was waiting for me at home was chaos. When chaos was most prominent in my life, the one thing I knew was that I had my counsellor for support. I am now moving into my own flat, studying and working part time.
Last year, CrossReach gave over 2000 people the support and tools needed to give them hope for the future. Each one with their own trauma, challenges and story just like Amelia.
We rely on donations to fund our counselling services so your support this winter can be the beacon people like Amelia need to process trauma and start a new path.
Please give today to help others like Amelia find their “faith in my future”.
