My name is Andy, I'm 59 years old and live in Buckie. I'm a roadworker for a national company in the winter times, driving a snowplough to keep the roads clear the best we can! I've been married to my best friend for 39 years and have 2 children and 5 grandchildren.
So, you might think I have the perfect life? Wrong.
My brain tells me other things after a horrible childhood with no happy memories and endless battering and put downs. I was left with horrendous memories and a really bad case of anger and hatred towards people.
The simplest things used to set me off so iv no idea why my wife and kids are still with me. I’ve never been physical towards them but I was never shown how to be a parent but I knew battering and locking in rooms was wrong it was my wife that showed me the way.
I want to share my story so other people especially men in my age bracket who were brought up the same way as apparently it was the done thing then which I totally disagree with.
After losing a close relative who was like a mother to me, I was at rock bottom.
My wife who knows me so well sat me down and got me to open up a bit. She recommended counselling which I thought was for people worse than me, she recommended Crossreach which has a office next door to her work.
I made the call which changed my life.
The first few weeks were hard, on my second visit I struggled to go up the path in case I was seen which was stupid.
I had a fantastic counsellor who listened and never judged me. She gave me the tools on how to stop things in my head hearing the voices which kept putting me down. She guided me in telling my wife, then my children some of my stories so maybe they could understand why I was always angry and stressed. They truly helped me.
She also got me to start cooking!
I have now cooked my wife loads of meals from scratch I even made a 3 course meal, all homemade with cocktails which brought me to tears but pleased to say happy tears.
It was at that point I could say for the first time in my life, I was proud of myself.
I would also like say we all take roads in our life sometimes we come to a crossroads in life where you sometimes take the wrong turn which at 1 point happened to me during my sessions. I thought I was cured and started to run before I could walk and got a knock back. I went back to where I was for a few weeks till my next session and it came out, I wasn’t judged just listened to then guided back to the correct road.
I entered for the Dundee Kiltwalk to raise funds for CrossReach so the money I raised can help other people. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that me, Andy would raise very much but the kindness of people blew me away – Over £750!
I would love to thank everyone at CrossReach for helping me and to my family for sticking by me because if it wasn’t for them I don’t think I would be here.
If anyone feels so down please seek support because it really does help and makes you a better person. I'm living proof of that
